First of all, I don’t mean to offend anyone by my title of this blog. They are just expressions and I am not saying that people with these names are negative in anyway.
Secondly, I’d like to welcome you to new blog page! This is my blogs new home! Just over a year ago I had started blogging and I can’t believe the growth of my small business.
For those of you who don’t know anything about me or my blogs. Welcome and thank you for reading! I’m Mellissa and I own Mell’s Desserts, I specialise in desserts and dessert type cakes, I also promote mental health awareness and self care; my blogs have really helped me get through anxiety and depression, two years ago I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety, I was also in a relationship for 10 years; I was about to marry the man I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with.... his true colours came out and I soon learned he was a serious gaslight and a narcissit. His behaviour towards me and my daughter had changed as I realised just before things could get any worse, I had to leave for my own mental health.
For the first time in my life, I had experienced a panic attack, the panic attack that caused me to leave nearly killed me; I almost died. Not being able to breathe and regulate my breath caused me to panic even more, I was in the bathroom while he stood and did nothing on the upstairs landing. When he was told to dampen a face cloth and place it on my forehead, he did it so rough I could swear he was slapping my face...
As I look back over the past two years, we now have no contact with my daughter’s father and some family and friends have walked away. I can say that I am at peace but with devastating effects mentally. I have poor memory due to insomnia and somethings are a blur...
So staying positive has always been something I have tried to do, turning my negative into a positive. I always remember when I said to myself ‘how bad a mother I was.’ I started to tremble as I screamed out inside my head. ‘I AM NOT A BAD MOTHER!! I have constantly cradled my little girl when she’s missing her dad, where is HE? This man had promised to take care of her and has let her down. I’m the one taking her to school, feeding and clothing her, supporting her emotionally, physically financially, mentally and every other way, I am still present no matter what. I had been diagnosed with depression and anxiety while I was there, with him, and he couldn’t even have her for an afternoon.’
I have had to find ways to stay positive and push through the negativity including the naysayers and downers. How many people have said to me my business isn’t good enough or my prices are too expensive, I’m not good enough or that I’m wrong for not letting my daughter’s father in her life. I’ve had so many things come against me to block my vision or to distract me, my daughter’s father wasn’t the only thing I’ve had to deal with. I had not enough evidence to prove it, but I have my intuitions to whom was involved. Someone had taken two loans and a credit card out in my name the same year I left my daughter’s father, when he told me he had thrown away my post... Coincidence? I bet I know the culprit; but without evidence I cannot say. So again I had to stay positive, I’ve screamed blue murder it’s fraud, the spelling of my name was wrong, there seemed to be so many things wrong with this, so I researched and researched until I declared that my last letter would be my final correspondence; once I took it to prayer God Himself hid me in his secret place and kept me safe, and has kept me safe ever since.
From then on nomore distractions I can finally concentrate on my daughter, business and myself.
I have heard ‘oh you should pay back the loans’ so many times. It was their mistake and there seemed to be too many discrepancies on their end. They tried to force me into paying back a loan I had know information on, not even a loan agreement I had seen, all because my mail ended up in some fraudsters hands.
By removing the negativity we release our blessings into the universe, God sees and hears EVERYTHING and these negative people forget that. We know hurt people hurt people right, and that is not okay. We desperately have to try and change the narrative and heal us as individuals first before we bleed on those who caused us not to hurt!
I’m sure the Debbie’s, Nancy’s and Nathan’s of this world do not mean to be negative, (again I apologise and please do not feel offended.)
someone must have hurt them and now they’re hurting others, this is the only way they can or feel truly to express themselves.
As I said before hurt people hurt people and they tend to bleed on those who are doing well or to keep those who are failing down. I have removed or shut down the negativity that was holding me back, or taking over my ego. (I found my ego would feed off the negativity and would leave me self doubting and experiencing high levels of anxiety.)
By meditation, prayer and repeating affirmations daily myself belief system is getting so much stronger. I am able to shut down negativity and recognise it in others and have learnt my lesson to keep my distance. Don’t get me wrong I take criticism at the end of the day I am not here to please everyone, and not everyone will like me or my business. I love getting tips on baking and experimenting with recipes and ideas, so in that sense I am open to criticism. It’s seeking the truth in the person’s agenda, there’s always something behind their negativity.
I am beginning to see that God has put negative energy around me so that I can continue to be positive for my daughter and myself and to empower others to be positive too.
You are all positive beings. Full of light and love.
You are doing great!
Take care
You have got this!
Love and Blessings
Mell X
