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Stop Acting and Start Being Who You Were Made To Be

Hey loves we’re made it to July! Congratulations on being the best version of you! I hope the next couple of months will be more successful than the last, and you continue to work at becoming a better you!

I tried really hard at getting this post out sooner, I had been extremely busy with making lollipops 🍭 I am literally sugared and lollipoped out! June was the month of lollipops for sure, I made close to 300 I estimated! I appreciate all your lollipop orders thank you so much. For now all lollipop and dessert orders are on hold. For different reasons to be honest. Lollipops I need to market them better and come up with a way to prevent them from melting in warmer weather. I will definitely keep you all updated, but in the meantime you can still order your T-shirts, aprons and affirmation jars, and of course you can still book an hour session with myself where I support you with finding a therapist or wellbeing service. All are available to you through my website, click on store and Mell’s Safe Space.

This month I have realised how exhausting anxiety really is, I’ve had to dig deeper than ever to stay calm and just breathe through each and every moment. I’m obsessed with finding inner peace within. So on 17th June, I booked my appointment with Jung Shim they are a centre in the heart of London, they offer treatments and classes for everybody to help remove negative energy and increase positive energy flow around the body removing blockages. I knew from the time I saw the advert, I needed this. I would extremely recommend their acupressure treatment sessions. I’ve had such an amazing experience and can finally see and feel the rush of positive energy in my being.

I dedicate this post to all Father’s it was supposed to be out for Father’s Day! But not to worry it’s here now. Men who have taken on the role as a role model in their child’s life or played a father figure in someone else’s life.

I love to see men over the park playing or riding bikes with their children. I love to see the interaction and engagement when kids play with dad’s, uncle’s and grandad’s. It just shows that they have an interest, they care and want to be involved or take part in their families lives.

I am at a place of peace when it comes to my daughter’s father; I no longer let his absence obstruct my ways of parenting or rasising my little girl. Sometimes she feels abandoned by him, but I sit with her and cuddle her and let her know that this feeling is only natural as her dad isn’t in her life right now. We talk and journal and I encourage her to stay positive.

I know he blames me for not seeing her when I only asked him for a drugs test, when he actually refused and threatened me with the police and all sorts. I have my reasons for asking for a drugs test which I felt was only necessary as I had to safe guard my little girl, if he was to have access to her.

Nothing or no one should deny or stop any man or woman from seeing their child or children. (unless there is good enough reason for this.) But on a whole, men and women should be accountable for their actions in parenting and should be aloud to parent. Myself, I never once said to him ‘you can’t see her’, I hold my hands up yes I asked for a drugs test; that would have pushed me for all kinds of tests just to prove me wrong!!

I apologise and have to say this, but he couldn’t have wanted to be a father or husband as much as he was letting us think.

Men and women, we are of a certain age and no longer of the adolescent age of he said she said, be accountable for whatever the role you played in bringing the child into this world. Yes okay, things happen where you split up you are still parents so be a parent, stand your ground and say I’m having TJ the weekend of the 22nd okay? Or I’ll pick Aleesha up from school. I‘ve put money in your account to buy new clothes/ uniform. Something!

Every four months is not good enough, being a parent isn’t for when you feel like it, consistency is vital in a child’s life they need to see you at least once a week and make it a regular pattern; so they know they’re staying with daddy/ mummy every other weekend, or that daddy will be involved in the school pick up or drop off.

It’s so important that they still have a relationship with their parents even if the parents aren’t together.

We can’t continue to be the angry black people we have been stereotyped by each other for decades now!!

We have to learn to get along with each other and build respect for each other, raise our beautiful black children and for once find peace and forgive moving on with our lives.

My dad has always been in my life my parents have been married for 31 years this year and have been together for 39 years. We have always been a family supporting each other in sickness and in good health. We have come together stronger I think since my grandparents (my mum’s parents) passed away. But since then my family (mum’s side) has stopped talking to my mum, including my dad’s brother. (My dad’s brother is married to my mum’s niece! No blood line or connection before you say it’s not right or wrong).

So anyway, my point is as a man my supposed to be Uncle, my dad’s brother should know better. He has completely ignored me for the past two years, blocking me on WhatsApp even. I absolutely have no idea as to why, but this year the level of disrespect is unforgiving. I’m sure he has his reasons, as a man who I used to admire and respect fully I am disappointed; not only with him but my male cousins also.

If I had done something wrong or said something pull me up on it, that’s all I say. I’ve had no support with my mental health or my daughter, but that’s okay as I know God has removed these people from our lives as He saw conversations that didn’t serve me any purpose. If I were to disrespect him or other family members I or my parents wouldn’t hear the end of it. But as I said before I am at a place of peace. I can’t control their thoughts or actions, but I can control how I move on with my life and control I how I react to the negativity in the future.

When I finally make it big and Mell’s Desserts is an empire it’s too late for my family to even acknowledge me and my daughter, that includes her dad. Let the lessons be the loudest teacher in every situation if only they showed that they cared for the next generation of our family.

The memory of our being as black people holds a painful past full of hate for our black men. What we’re used to hearing is how black men are irresponsible and can’t be trusted. ‘Black men are not good, and are wotless.’ Some would even say. We can not still be living in the past of our ancestors find our own ways and communicate with each other. No one is perfect out here, we have made mistakes or made decisions that don’t necessarily make sense, with communication and understanding removes the negativity of yesteryear.

Women, we must forgive our husbands, brothers, dads, uncles, and other men in our lives. Forgive them for their excuses or non explanations, forgive them for the things they haven’t done, and more importantly forgive those who have left us.

I have forgiven my family and daughters dad as forgiveness has freed me final I’m at peace and not in pieces!

Affirmation: There is a place within me that has forgiven, I openly acknowledge all black men.

My dad is not perfect his imperfections make him who he is, I appreciate, love and respect him as the man he is; for being there not only for myself when life got hard, but for Lilly. You are her superhero grandad aka Papa.

Thank you Papa and thank you to all the great Dad’s, Uncle’s, Husband’s and Grandad’s that are out there! Not all black men are irresponsible.

Let us get back on track and work together in unity and raise our families.

You’re doing great keep moving forward!

You’ve got this


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